AskMiriam

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Question: I am a male in a relationship with a woman for 10 years now.  Our sex life has started to stagnate a little and I am finding my fantasies have been going to being with a male as well as my girlfriend.  I have had increasing bisexual thoughts in regards to oral and anal with a male.  My girlfriend currently is not interested in anal or any type of swinging and is quite content with our current sex life.  She is my best friend and everything else is great but I have these urges that I feel I need to explore.  I have some toys that I use when she is not around that I find quite fun.  I never realized how much excitement wearing a butt plug all day at the office can bring you.  I go home sexually charged, but mainly I am left to my own devices. 

Help me

Thanks

 

Answer: Hi there- thanks for writing in. I think there comes a time in every relationship where the excitment starts to dwindle. Some people call it the 7 year itch, but I think it can happen at any point. I think many of us have been in a situation where our relationships become almost too comfortable and we yearn for more experimentation. In my opinion, life is too short not to try new things. It sounds like your relationship with your girlfriend is pretty solid, so I think you have several options. You could talk to her about the possibility of you exploring things with men and it wouldn’t have to involve her if she’s not comfortable with swinging. There’s always a chance that your girlfriend has had thoughts of being with other people and it’s good to get that out in the open. Even if she says she’s happy with your sex life, she may want to experiment as well. Of course, I do not advocate for polyamory in every situation, but it does help bring excitement back into a relationship if the relationship is solid and there is a lot of trust and understanding. If your girlfriend is not open to any of these situations, it’s important you ask yourself how happy you are and whether you think it’s worth it to end the relationship. You do not want to be in a position where your partner is holding you back from pursuing your desires because that could lead to resentment and difficulty in other parts of the relationship that remain good. In either case, communication is important, so talk to her about how you feel. Happy searching!

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