Relationship Advice and Columns

Friends, Lovers, Strange Tables, and Poly Beginnings

I had a visit last week from my New York City lover. I have never been in this position before: I was sitting having a drink with my partner in Toronto and my lover from New York. It feels pretty amazing, I must say. We were sitting in a bar and one of them sat next to me and one sat across from me and I was holding hands with both of them. It’s definitely a wow moment, thinking, I am very well cared for. We started discussing how tables need to be configured to allow for this sort of thing. Perhaps there needs to be some kind of poly restaurant with tables that can be moved around and triangularly shaped. I introduced my New York lover to many people here in Toronto and he very much enjoyed himself. I have to give him much credit for the life I have now. We met in July 2011 at a conference in Istanbul. I spent that summer in Germany doing my fieldwork for my Master of Environmental Studies. My supervisor there was in psychology and I became friends with his team of researchers. One of them casually mentioned to me that they were going to a political psychology conference in Istanbul and I asked if I could come along. Boy am I glad I did. I met the man who would become my lover there and we ended up bar hopping all night on a Monday night in Istanbul. He explained his open relationship situation and I was quite intrigued. I was pretty familiar with the concepts, as I read Dan Savage regularly, but it was nice to meet someone who was actually practicing it. We kept in touch but we didn’t end up seeing each other until 11 months later in Berlin. One of the great things about having an international lover is the ability to meet up in exciting locales. I spent 1 month in Europe in 2012 and it happened that both of us were in Germany at the same time so we met there. You can imagine how surreal that was. We had a great time and shortly afterward, I broke up with my boyfriend, who I had been in a monogamous relationship with for 8.5 years. My life has definitely changed a lot since then and I have no regrets entering the poly lifestyle. I have always been a big flirt and to be encouraged to do so is amazing. I’m looking forward to more adventures in the future… On February 4, I will embark on a trip across the US – I’ll be attending 2 poly conferences, one in Philadelphia from Feb 8-10 and then the academic poly conference in Berkeley from Feb 15-17. I very much care about the environment, so I have decided to do this trip entirely by bus and train. I’m going to be on the train from Philadelphia to Berkeley for about 3.5 days. I’m hoping to interview people on the train about their opinions on poly and I’d like to write an article about the whole experience. After Berkeley, I’m travelling to San Francisco, Portland and Seattle and I will hopefully stay with poly folks during that time. Stay tuned for all the fun! If anyone happens to know a place that would want to publish an article like that, please let me know.


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