AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Being Poly and Being Present

One thing that has eluded me in the past is really being present in the moment. I find that poly allows me to be much more present, which I really appreciate. When you have multiple partners, you need to make sure you’re attentive to each one. Part of that means that when you’re spending time with them, you are focused on them. It can be really easy, especially in this age, to be distracted. We’re checking our cellphones every few minutes or maybe we’re at a restaurant with a partner but we’re checking out someone else. The time that you have with your partner is sacred. If my partner changes work or other appointments for my sake, I feel very grateful. That means that we get more time together. Treasure every moment that you have. Poly definitely doesn’t let you take things for granted.

 

In previous posts, I’ve talked a bit about jealousy. I wanted to add more about that today. In my opinion, a relationship is like a world unto itself. When 2 or more people get together, or if you talk about the relationship you have with yourself, you begin building something that is naturally unique. This allows us to acknowledge that each relationship is different. It does not mean that one is better than the other. I like thinking of a relationship as a creature that can always be modified. If you feel you want more time with your partner, say so. We can’t read each other’s minds. We have to ask for what we want and need. 

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