This is always an interesting situation when you’re poly. You’re at a party with a partner and you’re interested in someone there. So what do you do? I was at a birthday party for a poly friend recently. She invited someone I was pretty sure I was going to like and indeed, I was right. He was interested in me as well. I had invited someone I’m dating to the party and I didn’t want to be rude and ignore him. Later on at the party, my date and I went to the bathroom. We had been sitting on the same couch as the new person I was interested in, whom I will refer to as NP. When I got out of the bathroom, the birthday girl was cuddling with NP. I was pulled into the cuddle pile and NP reached over to touch me, very affectionately. The birthday girl got up and let us cuddle. My date was thankfully ensconced in conversation with others. NP continued being very affectionate and kissed me. He also invited me to a potential road trip in the spring. I was very happily surprised by all of this. Unfortunately, he lives a few hours away but he has assured me he will come to Toronto periodically.
At the end of the party, I asked my date if he was okay with me cuddling with and kissing NP and he was fine with it. I’m glad that things worked out; I didn’t want to exclude anyone. I have been in the position of being excluded many times in my life and it can be awful, especially in the context of a new relationship, since I have only known the date I brought to the party for just over a month. Poly can be a very delicate balance between having fun and considering the feelings of your partners. Make sure you’re on the same page and things should be okay.
Yesterday I had dates with 2 new people. One I have mentioned before, in the last blog. He’s very new to poly. I really like his sense of spontaneity and adventure. We were wandering around the Eaton Centre and made out in a change room in Sears, and in many other places as well. I felt like a teenager. I also met someone new from OkCupid. We have very similar interests like environmentalism, cycling, travelling, local politics, etc. I was disappointed to find out that he has only recently gotten out of a serious relationship and he’s not looking for a primary partner, which I am. I feel a bit stuck because we would like to see each other again, but at this particular moment, I don’t want something casual. I also don’t really want to wait for him to be ready for something serious. The search for a primary continues… One thing I find frustrating about OkCupid is that most of the poly people on there opened an existing relationship. There are very few people like me who ended a relationship to become poly. Why is this the case? If you have thoughts, send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
To my American readers, happy Thanksgivukah! I’ll be in Rochester, NY visiting cousins and a friend from tomorrow until Sunday.