First off, I just want to say happy holidays to my readers. I hope you’re enjoying this season of socializing and overeating. I’ve just returned from London, Ontario. As a Jewish person, I have a weird relationship with Christmas, but overall, I enjoy it. I was invited for Christmas dinner with my new partner’s family- I met his mother, his mother’s boyfriend, the boyfriend’s son, the mother’s sister, and aunt. I was a little bit nervous beforehand, but it all went very well. We ended up having Christmas dinner on Boxing Day and the food was delicious. On Christmas Day, I met my partner’s mother and I liked her almost instantly. She’s very laidback and she clearly cares a lot about her son. She and her boyfriend apparently looked me up on facebook before we met and this was somewhat nerve wracking, mainly because I link my blog to facebook when I update it. My new partner practiced polyamory with the woman he was in the longest relationship with, so his mother is familiar with the concept and she didn’t seem too bothered by the fact that I write about it and of course, practice it. At Christmas dinner, I didn’t talk about it and I think that was for the best.
The reason why I call this post passion vs dedication is twofold. A certain dating website that’s very popular with the poly community asks its members what is more important in a relationship, passion or dedication. Of course, this is a gross simplification on the part of the site; you can’t reduce a relationship to these 2 variables. I did however answer, dedication, because over the long term, passion can fade. You might remember what a relationship was like when it began and how strong the spark was, but if you want the relationship to go the distance, I think dedicating yourself to that relationship and to your partner(s) is the most important thing, especially through the bad times.
For me, the passion that comes at the beginning of a relationship can be overwhelming and I’m feeling that right now. I gave my new partner a book as a Christmas gift and I also included a card with a poem I had written for him. The card almost brought him to tears. I’m not used to seeing such sensitivity in a man; It’s both refreshing and terrifying. On the upside, my new partner and I clearly have very strong feelings for each other. We see eye to eye on so many things. Overall I’m enjoying the NRE, but I’m also looking forward to that part calming down. I want us to see each other for who we truly are and relish in the things we have in common. It’s hard not to judge someone when you start a relationship with them. I feel like I’m still in that mode of figuring out who my new partner is and seeing if we can fit. I recognize that I can overanalyze these things, especially as someone who writes about relationships. I need to just enjoy myself….