AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Under My Influence

I saw a friend a couple of nights ago who often reminds me of the power I apparently wield. She said that people do things under the influence of Miriam and the past week has had evidence of that. Last Thursday I went to a sex club with someone I met there about a year ago. I wasn’t sure if that was going to go anywhere and indeed it did not- it did with other people, though. My friend and I were in the hot tub and in walked a couple. I told my friend I was interested in the woman and he encouraged me to talk to her. I’m still somewhat inexperienced with women and I’m sometimes scared of coming across in a creepy way, so I wasn’t sure exactly what to say. I was sitting at the bar having some water and the couple approached; we started talking. It was actually their first time at a sex club and they were very new to non-monogamous things in general. We had a nice conversation and agreed to go upstairs. I showed them around and then we sat down on one of the “beds.” The woman sat in the middle between her husband and I and said to me very plainly, do we kiss now? I thought that was adorable. We started kissing and I kissed her husband, which was all very pleasant. Her husband and I pleasured her a bit and then she said, I don’t have to be the one in the middle, so I went in the middle and they both fingered me. In addition to it being their first time at the sex club, it was actually their first threesome. I enjoyed it. 

More firsts: on the weekend, Ben visited again and we went to a party on Saturday night. We had gone to a party the previous weekend and met a couple there who invited us to their party. At the party this past weekend, we played board games and danced a bit. Many of my friends were there and it was a good night all around. At the very end of the night, it was just Ben and I and the couple hosting the party. They showed us around their house and invited us to cuddle in their bed. Ben and I started kissing and then he went to the bathroom. By the time he came back, the couple was in the bed as well and we all started cuddling and making out. There wasn’t really any explicit discussion about all 4 of us doing things together, but I did ask the couple about their STI history and they inquired about ours. They told us that this was their first foursome and it was my first as well, in the sense of couple swapping. I was somewhat interested in the guy, but at that particular time, I was not that horny. We all just went with the relaxed vibe. Ben pleasured the woman and she pleasured him; I really enjoyed watching that. The guy was slightly rough with me, which I do enjoy from time to time. Ben is usually very gentle with me, so vive le difference! Ben and I ended up walking home at 4am and passed a man shovelling snow who asked us how our night was; we laughed. We had a good talk on the way home about these sorts of situations. Ben and I have been in a couple of group situations and I enjoy them while they are happening, but afterward, something feels off. I realize that I feel a bit excluded because I want to be the one doing things with or to Ben. When I was a kid, I was often left out and those emotions were coming back. We resolved that we would make each other feel more included and come up with some sort of code word to remind each other how we strongly we feel about the other. We did see the couple from that night 2 nights later and told them about all of this. There’s a chance of this happening again, but we don’t think it will be planned; the spontaneity makes it more fun in a way.

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2 thoughts on “Under My Influence

  1. Having sex for the first time brings out a nervous energy that strips one of eloquent banter. I am glad for the experience. Happy to have played a part and glad you did say hello at the bar. Please pardon my inexperience. I hope to improve like an elegant wine and develop over time. wink, wink.

  2. I love all of your adventures!! Can’t wait to see you, as fun seems to follow you around 😉

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