AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Attention Seeking Behaviour

For those of you who know me, you know I like attention. I remember having a conversation with a cousin last year about how being the younger child (I have an older sister) can breed a desire to attract attention. That cousin of mine is also the youngest among her siblings and she somewhat agreed with me. As a teenager, I started going to an arts camp and performing and I loved it. In high school, I took dance and drama. I performed in a few one act plays in Grade 11 and then in Grade 12, my dance teacher started a competitive hip hop team and we went to competitions. The thrill of being on stage was amazing. I love how the adrenalin pushes me to do well. In university, I performed at the festival of dance and then I joined a dance group and we put on shows every year. I am in that group again now and we are leading up to our show next month, which I’m very much looking forward to.

With regards to relationships, I have often felt the desire to impress my partner. I usually date very smart people and I feel I need to show how smart I am. Intelligence is such a turn on! At the end of my longest relationship, I felt somewhat neglected. My ex was feeling neglected as well because a year before we broke up, I met the person who basically made me polyamorous; he and I were in touch a lot. That person made me realize that something was lacking with my ex and he knew he was giving me attention I needed. I know now that one of the reasons I became poly was to continue getting that attention. Also, my parents divorced when I was young and I grew up with my mother and sister, so my theory is that now I crave male attention and I have certainly gotten it. So much so that I am a bit tired of men now. Ben is an amazing partner and I will meet this person aka compersionator (http://itsnotaboutthesex.wordpress.com/) next week, so I am getting plenty of male attention. I should also say that when I was growing up, I went to a horrible Jewish private school. I didn’t have a real friend until I was 13. That experience taught me 2 things: being yourself is priceless but being left out can be awful. I told Ben recently that when we’ve been in group sex situations, I sometimes feel left out when I’m not the one being sexual with him. I realize that this reminds me of being left out as a child. This gives me an opportunity to confront those feelings from childhood and from the end of my monogamous relationship. Polyamory definitely allows for growth…

As mentioned above, I’m meeting the compersionator next week. He will arrive next Friday. We had a conversation on Sunday and we both agreed that we are now more excited than nervous. I look forward to finally meeting him after several months of exchanging emails and I like showing off my hometown. I hope he likes it. He seems to relish the idea of living here, assuming things go well. The attention seeker in me would love to live with him and Ben…

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One thought on “Attention Seeking Behaviour

  1. Miriam, I absolutely can’t wait to see you, visit your hometown, and just be in your presence. I’m giddy at the thought!!! 10 days and counting.

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