AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Away from it All

It is often my belief that if 2 people can survive a trip together, they can probably survive a whole lot else together. Ben and I just got back to southern Ontario from a trip to his hometown, near Ottawa. We were both really in need of a vacation and he happened to have a break, so we headed off. We got into some very interesting conversations both on the road and when we arrived and happily, we both expressed the fact that we feel very comfortable talking to each other, not that we didn’t know that before, but it was even more obvious this time. I have had many relationships with teachers and I realize that I like getting into relationships with people I perceive to be smarter than me because I can just defer to their opinion. Ben and I actually challenge each other to think about why we hold certain opinions. On our way back to Toronto, we actually talked about irritability and if it’s a useful thing. In certain situations, it can be. For myself, it takes a lot to irritate me and very few things do. When something bothers me, I know that it’s really bothersome and that is useful, but as I said to Ben, I think it’s useless to get irritated over things you can’t control. Anyway, we had a really good time. Ben introduced me to many of the people he knows in his hometown and we went to a restaurant he used to work at; the food was delicious. We also went to Ottawa and saw some of our friends there. There was a lot of much needed lounging around as well. We got into a lot of conversations about polyamory as well, which we both enjoyed.

As many of you know, Ben is my first real primary partner since I have become polyamorous. Also, at the moment, I’m not really dating anyone else. Ben has now had 3 dates with someone where he is living (we live 2 hours away from each other). During the trip, we had a skype date with her. She is a very nice person and I can see why Ben likes her. She is really into rocks, a big passion of Ben’s. She has never been in a polyamorous relationship before, but it seems like she isn’t looking for anything serious at the moment and she likes her space, so this situation suits her. She also asked Ben if it was okay if she dated other people and he responded with, of course. I told Ben that I am simultaneously happy for him and somewhat envious and jealous. I would love to be dating someone in Toronto, though right now, I feel like I am done with men, especially with a certain visitor coming to see me (itsnotaboutthesex.wordpress.com); I really want to be dating a woman. Ben and I definitely feel like we will be together for the long haul and we have gotten to a point now where we aren’t scared of losing each other. I do remind myself though that this is still a new situation for me and there’s no sense in negating how I feel. This is in some ways, away from it all…

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