AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

‘We’ Are Incommunicado

This post will mainly be about Ben and Eve, so again, I wish to say how privileged I feel to write about 2 important people in my life. Last week was a bit difficult for both of them. Eve is currently working crazy hours in a different city and has been very isolated. Until yesterday, the place she’s been living in has had no wifi and she is not allowed to use the computers at work for personal use, even if she uses them outside of her working hours. The only way we’ve all been able to communicate is through a program on our phones. This has put a strain on the relationship, as you dear readers might imagine. It has been difficult for Ben because he would very much like to be in regular contact with Eve and he has missed her a lot since she left. This has also been difficult for me because Ben hasn’t been as attentive at home, so I feel like I need to pick up the slack.

As I have discussed many times, communication is so important in a relationship and it can sometimes be even more important in a long distance relationship (LDR). I have had many experiences where I have wanted to maintain an LDR and the other party has not because they didn’t have time for communication. It might be true that we are all busy, but we can place priority on relationships. One of the reasons why polyamory exists is because of the Internet. Many people learn about poly on the Internet, join discussion groups, and receive emails about poly events. In the current age, we also have so many different ways of communicating. We can send emails, facebook messages, okcupid messages. We have skype, Viber, and phone cards. Even in poor countries, people have cellphones. We can even still send old fashioned snail mail. In order to keep in touch with the ones we love, we have to put in the work. It might not be easy, but it’s very worthwhile.

There was another subject I wanted to mention. Eve commented to me that I often refer to Ben and I as ‘we.’ This has made her feel excluded, and understandably so. Eve has become a big part of our lives. We talk about her a lot when she’s not around. She and I communicate regularly, sometimes even more regularly than her and Ben. There are times when it is appropriate for either Ben or I to use ‘we.’ However, this can also take away from who we are as individuals. When we live with someone we love, they become an integral part of our lives; Ben is exactly that to me. That being said, I want to strive for including Eve in our lives.

Thank you as always for reading. My email address is miriam@askmiriam.ca if you have any relationship queries.

Advertisements

Single Post Navigation

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: