Relationship Advice and Columns

AskMiriam about Dating in a New Place

Question: So how does one go about finding poly partners in a new town? I’m on OkCupid, but getting limited results. Is there some secret code I’ve forgotten?

Answer: I have been on OkCupid for a few years now. I have had little luck with it, so I understand how you feel, dear reader. Meeting poly people when you have just moved can be difficult. I would recommend doing a few different things: First, aside from OkCupid, there are other sites that might help you meet people. There are plenty of poly people on FetLife and there are events posted on the site where you could meet them. FetLife is of course also good if you’re kinky and you want to meet other kinky people. There is plenty of crossover between the poly and kink worlds…

Most cities now have poly groups through sites such as Facebook and There may also be groups that are hosted on other sites, but I haven’t seen any yet. I would recommend just doing a simple search in your browser for poly groups in your town and see if anything pops up. Poly groups will have different kinds of events such as discussions and socials, and you may meet different people at different events. has plenty of groups  that are related to polyamory, so have a look around the site. Here in Vancouver, we have several poly groups on Facebook, but the problem is that they are either secret or closed, so they are hard to find. However, once you meet someone, they will be able to add you to the group.

Aside from the Internet, there may be events around town where you can meet poly folks. For example, if it’s a sex positive event, I would say there’s a fairly good chance that poly folks will attend. Since you’re new to town, you may also want to join a group that fits one of your interests. You never know who you may meet there, and you will at least have something in common! Good luck to you, dear reader. I know it can be hard to find poly folks, but I hope the tips I have given have been useful.

If you have a relationship question, email me at  Thank you for reading!

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