AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Archive for the tag “being yourself”

The Courage to be Ourselves

I was very motivated to write a blog today because of something that just happened a few hours ago. I was in touch with someone about doing some writing work for them. We spoke on the weekend and I was very excited about the prospect of this project. The person I would have worked with is Jewish and of German descent. He has compiled material for many years about dualities in the Torah. I would have helped him write a book about it. I speak German, so I would have relished speaking German with someone. Then I get an email from him saying that because of associations I belong to, he doesn’t want to work with me. He apparently googled me and certain things related to poly came up. I feel like this is some form of discrimination. As some of my readers know, I’ve been looking for a job for quite awhile and I wonder if others have googled my name and have seen the same things. I spoke to a poly friend of mine before writing this post and he knows of others that have had similar things happen to them. No one should be denied a job because they happen to date more than 1 person. There should be some form of protection for those of us who are polyamorous. In our fair province of Ontario, we may be having an election soon. This should be an issue!

A friend of mine high-fived me last weekend because of my second threesome in a week. Yes folks, I did have a second threesome last week. On the weekend before last, I was chatting online with someone I will call Shawn. I met Shawn back in the fall and decided not to pursue anything with him because his primary partner was uncomfortable with him having a deep connection with others. At the time, I was looking for a more significant relationship and as you all know, I found it. Ben was here when I was chatting with Shawn, getting turned on by the fact that someone else wanted to have a threesome with me… Shawn has been seeing a new partner for 2 months. They spoke about having a threesome and apparently Shawn thought of me. I had forgotten that I said I’d be up for that sometime when Shawn and I met initially. We agreed to meet and see if we all got along. On that evening this past weekend, we all met. I had spoken with the partner in advance and she was fine with something happening that night at her place, where Shawn wanted to have this, his first, threesome. We met and all got along and then went over to the partner’s place. The actual threesome was a lot of fun. I was very attracted to the partner and Shawn was a great lover. Afterward, things were a bit awkward though. Shawn and I were talking about possibly meeting again and I half joked with him that if we met again, I might develop feelings for him. He said, not jokingly, that’s not allowed. I was immediately turned off. How I work is that I develop feelings for people somewhat quickly. It can be very difficult for me to just have a casual relationship with someone. When I want to be with someone, I go all in. I told Shawn that I think he is missing out on a lot. Perhaps, he said. As someone I know says, polyamory is not about the sex. It’s about nurturing strong relationships with many people. Sex is nice, but nothing can replace intimacy.

If you have questions, send me an email to miriam@askmiriam.ca All questions will be posted anonymously.

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