AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Archive for the tag “communication”

AskMiriam about Mediteranean Men

Question: My boyfriend and I are interested in trying poly style relationship but not at home just yet…We are exploring our curiosity, so we recently discussed perhaps planning a summer trip to Europe and try different cultures. I love the Mediterranean, and I would love to meet a Greek guy on one of those beautiful islands. Greek men appear very masculine and I really like that. According to studies and research they are the highest ranked country in terms of love, sex, companionship.

I’d love to travel to the Mediterranean, (perhaps not France,) and meet some masculine men. Do you have any thoughts, suggestions? Where can I look? Have you yourself had any encounters with Greek men?

Answer: I have had the fortune in my life to live in England and I got to spend 3 months in Germany doing research for my Master’s. In terms of the Mediterranean, I have visited Italy, and that’s about it. I haven’t had the fortune to meet a lot of Greek men, so I can’t  answer that part of your question. European countries widely vary in terms of how love, sex, and companionship are constructed and experienced by individual people. Even within countries, just as within Canada, there is variation. I’m sure there are many Greek men who enjoy having sex, and many who don’t. If you visit the Mediterranean, you may find that other men catch your fancy as well!

Your idea of going on holiday and seeing what a non-monogamous or poly relationship might look like is a valid one. There are many couples out there who would prefer to just dip their toes in the water and then have the privilege of going home. What I would recommend is having a discussion with your boyfriend before you go on vacation. You could discuss, for example, whether you want to play together or separately; some couples prefer playing together and some would rather not see their partner being passionate with someone else. Also, you asked where you can look – some countries have places like swinger’s clubs where you can meet other couples who want to play. Greece seems to have a few: http://www.swingersclublist.com/greece-swingers.html  You may also want to try some online dating sites such as OkCupid, which has attracted many non-monogamous people, and see if you can find other likeminded people. Finally, there’s always just meeting people in person. If you decide to, for example, stay at a resort, you’ll meet other tourists who may want similar experiences to the ones you’re seeking. If you go to a beach that locals frequent, you may meet your dream Greek man. However, you may find that if you mention having a boyfriend, they become hesitant. There are plenty of people out there who either have not heard of non-monogamy or do not wish to engage in it at all.

I have found for myself that while abroad, I may feel differently about certain things. I may feel freer, or not; I may feel nervous because I don’t know the culture very well, so I’m not sure how to act. If you find yourself feeling very free, that’s great, but do proceed with caution. It can be easy to get caught up in the romance while forgetting how you are actually feeling. Within polyamory and non-monogamy, communication is one of the most important things, so make sure that the lines of communication are open with your boyfriend. If either of you becomes jealous, talk about it. If you’re having tons of fun, talk about that too! It’s all part of the journey.

Thank you so much for writing in! If you have any relationship questions, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca  I hope you are all having a great start to 2017.

I can’t stress communication enough apparently

The other day, I had quite possibly one of the most boring dates I have ever had. I had looked forward to it, but once on it, I felt like we had nothing in common. He mainly seemed to talk about work and he also shared with me that he’s a pretty secretive and protective person. Once he said that, I knew there was no future because secretive people don’t really get along with my personality.

Regardless, he did make me think about something. He asked me why I became poly. One of the reasons I cited was that I enjoy open communication. He didn’t seem convinced that that would be grounds to become poly. I tend to disagree; many monogamous couples don’t really enjoy the type of open communication that poly people do, partly because we have to. When you are involved with many people, it’s nice to keep everyone abreast of what’s going on. Also, it’s very nice to have the freedom to tell your partner, I think that person’s cute and I might want to date them. In a monogamous relationship, that may be grounds for ending the relationship. However, in a poly context, being able to share that information may have the opposite effect: it can make relationships stronger.

In any relationship, communication is so important. Unfortunately, we are often not taught how to do so effectively. For those of us who like communicating directly, we are often penalized for doing so in our culture. I always admire the Germans who always speak so directly. They may offend people, but they are at least being honest. When Ben and I were in China, Ben was told directly, you are holding your chopsticks wrong. The comment wasn’t welcome of course, but I admire the fact that people can speak directly in, what they feel, is an attempt to be helpful. When communicating to a partner, it’s very useful to use I statements. For example: “I feel like ______ when you do ______.” It’s amazing to be in relationship where speaking about how one feels is welcome rather than punished. It’s true that monogamous relationships have the potential for open communication, but often, there are too many assumptions that make the parties feel that they don’t need to communicate worthwhile things. Some people may want to tell their partner that they’re attracted to someone else, but they assume that their partner will feel badly as a result and will end the relationship. It’s quite natural to feel attracted to other people and I think people in monogamous relationships can at least ask their partner, how would you feel if I told you I was attracted to someone else? Then a conversation can begin.

If you have any relationship questions, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca  I may have some more dates soon. Hopefully, I’ll have some successful ones to write about!

The Scariness of Multiple Choice or Tools of the Polymath

Over the weekend, I took a class that should help me for the GRE, the American Graduate Record Exam. I’d like to do my PhD in the US, so I’ll need to take that exam in the next few months. The GRE has 2 verbal sections and 2 quantitative reasoning, i.e. math, sections. Now, dear readers, math has sometimes been the bane of my existence. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disability, which among other things, affects visual-spatial reasoning. For something like geometry, my brain can’t cope. I get frustrated and I can end up crying. I was thinking about whether this might have any parallels with non-monogamy. During the class, I remembered that I can understand math sometimes when I see it in front of me, but I feel like I don’t have the tools to do it myself. In terms of relationships, we don’t always learn how to conduct them. The tools are available to us, but we may not know how to use them. For example, communication. Most people aren’t necessarily taught how to communicate well. Women are often socialized to be passive/aggressive and men might be socialized to be overly assertive. I think that communication should be a collaborative exercise where parties work together to achieve their goals, instead of people jostling for power. One thing we often face with communication is the fact that what people say is often more of a reflection on them than the people they’re talking to; we may end up taking some things personally when we really don’t need to.

In addition to communication, we aren’t really taught how to have sex. In normal society, sex isn’t really discussed. Teens don’t really want to get any sort of sex advice from their parents and sex education is often lacking. Once we have sex for the first time, we don’t really know what we’re doing. What would society look like if everyone learned important tools for having sex when they were younger? Instead, we now face ridicule for things like updating the sex ed curriculum in my home province of Ontario. Women are slut shamed. Men get to have sex with as many people as they like with very little reprimand. Few young people realize that they have options such as poly, though I think that’s changing with things like the Internet and other forms of media.

If we embark upon polyamory, we might have lots of choices. We can be with more than 1 person and we may decide we want to be with 1 person for every day of the week. The options can be dizzying and perhaps even frightening. As someone wise once told me, the more relationships you have, the more can end. I’d rather start things that have the potential to last for awhile and if we stretch ourselves too thin, our partners may feel unappreciated and we might be exhausted. The process of getting to know someone can be awesome, but also time consuming and once a relationship is established, it’s good to have the tools to make sure it has potential.

Thank you for reading! I’m happy to report I have a second date tomorrow with someone from OkCupid. We’ll see how that goes. Feel free to email with any relationship queries. My email address is miriam@askmiriam.ca

Settling into Attachment

This blog will be about 2 different things. Firstly, settling, by which I’m referring to the fact that I’m settling into Vancouver. As some of you might know, I’ve done my fair share of travelling and moving to new places. Unfortunately, it never gets any easier. I’ve been in Vancouver now for nearly 3 weeks. I feel lucky because I have family in the area and I have a few friends here as well. Nonetheless, it takes time to meet people and build a rapport. I feel lonely here sometimes. Ben is finally arriving on Thursday and we’ve missed each other quite a bit. I miss waking up next to someone and Ben is, quite happily, the person I like most waking up next to. I also haven’t had much opportunity here to cuddle with anyone, so I’m really missing physical touch. OkCupid has ever proved useful for dating, and I have met some people, but sparks haven’t really flown yet. To be honest, I’ve never had the best of luck with OkCupid. I find people on there who are very cool and I’ve definitely made one friend from there thus far, but chemistry is a difficult thing. It usually eludes me.

Now, some words about attachment. Before leaving Toronto, Ben and I bumped into an acquaintance of mine. I told her of my intention to pursue a PhD and do research on polyamory. She said to me, I have a topic for you. She’s considered being in poly relationships, but she has one main concern: the strength of the attachment. She believes that the attachment of a monogamous couple is much stronger than a polyamorous couple. I think she makes a fair point, but I tend to disagree with her. In a poly relationship, a couple encounters issues that a monogamous couple wouldn’t. In monogamy, jealousy is present, but it’s hidden away; poly couples have to deal with it openly and that can end a relationship. However, for the couples who succeed in dealing with jealousy, I think their relationship becomes stronger because they develop ways of communicating better (communication goes a long way in allaying jealousy, in this writer’s opinion). In addition, a monogamous relationship generally only has 2 destinations: marriage or a breakup. Poly relationships can change over time and parties need to agree to its terms before it starts, in general. It could be a D/s relationship, a purely sexual relationship, a purely emotional relationship, or anything along the spectrum. The parties in the relationship, I think, are more likely to sit down and talk about what the relationship will entail. There is, however, one thing that can be difficult in a poly relationship: since people are free to explore other bonds, they may decide to, for example, change their secondary partner to a primary partner and primary to secondary (to use hierarchical terminology that doesn’t always apply). Some people end all their relationships at once if one is going badly. These aren’t necessarily responsible practices. As someone has joked before, poly people sometimes end up talking more about sex than actually having it. However, I do think that communication is often stronger in poly relationships and that makes relationships have more secure attachments.

This weekend is Pride in Vancouver and I’ll be marching tomorrow with VanPoly! I look forward to meeting more poly people here. If you have any relationship queries, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca. I look forward to your questions as always.

Innocent Bystander

Personally, I think that one of the biggest difficulties in poly is the fact that our partners have relationships that are sometimes completely separate from our own relationship. Take for example, Ben and Eve. I’m not romantically involved with Eve. That doesn’t mean that we’re not close, because we are, but it can mean sometimes that I have little control over what happens between the 2 of them. Eve will feel that way about Ben and I as well. Sometimes, meddling in a relationship can cause problems. Last week, Eve sent me a message and told me that she really missed Ben. Normally, Ben and I host a radio show every Thursday, but it’s been cancelled for about the last month due to various problems at the station. I told Eve that the 3 of us or the 2 of them could talk in the evening. However, after getting home, Ben was working on editing a journal article I’m writing about my Master’s research. Eve and I did have a nice talk, but I almost wish I hadn’t organized anything. I also felt kind of selfish that Ben was working on something for me when he could have been talking to Eve.  These are all complicated issues with no right or wrong answer. However, I did tell Eve that I wouldn’t organize a call involving her and Ben. After all, it is their relationship.

Another difficulty with being the third party is that sometimes we are asked for our advice on a difficult issue. Both Ben and Eve have asked me if I think the relationship should continue after Ben and I return to Canada. This is an extremely difficult question to answer. As I have talked about before, maintaining a long distance relationship is a lot of work. Maintaining that relationship was hard enough for Ben and I when we lived within driving distance of each other; Ben and Eve will be on different continents, several time zones apart. They would have to communicate regularly, which could be difficult with that time difference. Eve may feel left out because Ben and I are sharing a life together and she can’t be a part of that. In groups of 3, someone can inevitably feel left out and it’s a terrible feeling. I really wouldn’t want Eve to feel that way. Finally, because Eve doesn’t identify as poly, she would most likely not take on another romantic relationship and she might not have as much support as she likes. Even if Ben and Eve were in a monogamous relationship, they would still be apart and it would be difficult.

In a month from tomorrow, Ben and I leave China. We are both excited to leave this crazy country. We will visit Eve for 9 days in Vietnam and then return to Canada. Honestly, when I left Canada, I almost wanted to leave poly behind. Poly has brought me some chaos and I wanted to have a more stable life. That being said, I’m looking forward to having the opportunity to be with more than 1 person. Ben and I have really built our relationship by coming over here and now I really want to share more love with others. I look foward to whatever comes into my life…

If you have a relationship question, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca

 

‘We’ Are Incommunicado

This post will mainly be about Ben and Eve, so again, I wish to say how privileged I feel to write about 2 important people in my life. Last week was a bit difficult for both of them. Eve is currently working crazy hours in a different city and has been very isolated. Until yesterday, the place she’s been living in has had no wifi and she is not allowed to use the computers at work for personal use, even if she uses them outside of her working hours. The only way we’ve all been able to communicate is through a program on our phones. This has put a strain on the relationship, as you dear readers might imagine. It has been difficult for Ben because he would very much like to be in regular contact with Eve and he has missed her a lot since she left. This has also been difficult for me because Ben hasn’t been as attentive at home, so I feel like I need to pick up the slack.

As I have discussed many times, communication is so important in a relationship and it can sometimes be even more important in a long distance relationship (LDR). I have had many experiences where I have wanted to maintain an LDR and the other party has not because they didn’t have time for communication. It might be true that we are all busy, but we can place priority on relationships. One of the reasons why polyamory exists is because of the Internet. Many people learn about poly on the Internet, join discussion groups, and receive emails about poly events. In the current age, we also have so many different ways of communicating. We can send emails, facebook messages, okcupid messages. We have skype, Viber, and phone cards. Even in poor countries, people have cellphones. We can even still send old fashioned snail mail. In order to keep in touch with the ones we love, we have to put in the work. It might not be easy, but it’s very worthwhile.

There was another subject I wanted to mention. Eve commented to me that I often refer to Ben and I as ‘we.’ This has made her feel excluded, and understandably so. Eve has become a big part of our lives. We talk about her a lot when she’s not around. She and I communicate regularly, sometimes even more regularly than her and Ben. There are times when it is appropriate for either Ben or I to use ‘we.’ However, this can also take away from who we are as individuals. When we live with someone we love, they become an integral part of our lives; Ben is exactly that to me. That being said, I want to strive for including Eve in our lives.

Thank you as always for reading. My email address is miriam@askmiriam.ca if you have any relationship queries.

Responsibility and Envy

This week, I want to write about 2 things, which are more related than one might expect. First off, responsibility. What I mean in this case is responsibility for one’s own emotions and for the emotions of others. I recently read this article: http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/polypeople.shtml. It makes the very good point that there are some poly people who act as if they have no responsibility for how they make others feel. We can make partners and metamours jealous, for example. Jealousy isn’t a completely bad thing, but if we can change our actions to make others feel better, why not do that? We cannot completely abdicate responsibility for how we affect others if only because our happiness can depend on making others happy. I definitely think that we should treat others the way we want to be treated as well. Often, Ben, Eve, and I all talk on skype together. I am conscious of the fact that Eve sometimes feels jealous when she sees Ben and I being affectionate. She wondered how she would feel when she comes to visit us if she sees us kissing, cuddling, or perhaps having sex. We decided to do an experiment; Ben and I kissed while Eve watched. Afterward, she said she didn’t feel uncomfortable, so we were all happy about that.

Her visit is now 1 week away and we are all anxious. I told her that I felt that this visit hinges less on how she and Ben feel about each other and more about how she and I feel about each other. She needs to be able to deal with the fact that Ben is with both of us and that won’t change. I think it is in all of our interest that she is made to feel comfortable and secure with Ben. I know that I may feel jealous while she is around because Ben will be giving someone else lots of attention, but in the grand scheme of things, I want Ben to be happy and I know that that includes having Eve in his life. Likewise, Ben wants to see me happy with someone else, though I don’t expect that to happen until we return to Canada at the end of June.

This past week, Ben and I celebrated 1 year of being engaged. Generally, we spend Monday evenings doing things together as a couple and I decided to do something romantic for that anniversary. I bought candles, a flower, and sweets. I spread the flower petals over a sheet on top of a blanket on the floor, lit the candles, and put the sweets on plates. Ben was very happily surprised, which pleased me. Unfortunately, some of the candle wax got on the blanket, which is what we sleep under, but we had a nice time. That evening, Eve wanted to talk to someone and Ben was occupied. She has also been in contact with someone else and he was also occupied. At that time, Eve felt a whole set of emotions about Ben and I celebrating our anniversary, including envy. When it comes to poly, everyone talks about jealousy, but few people speak of envy. It is under the jealousy umbrella in the broader sense, but it can simply be defined as wanting what someone else has. I sometimes feel envious about what Ben and Eve have. Of course, I’m happy that Ben found someone else that he connects with so strongly, but I also want the same thing for myself. I don’t expect to find that until at least moving to Vancouver in mid-July. I am partly a competitive person by nature and I often feel that I should be achieving more than those around me, so perhaps the envy plays into that. For the moment, we have to see if the relationship will continue between Ben and Eve.

As always, I appreciate your reading. If you have any sort of relationship question, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca

Kindred Spirits

The last few days have been rather interesting on both my and Ben’s end. On the weekend, we were visited by Amy, who we hadn’t seen for quite some time. Initially, she was planning to come on Saturday night, but we opted to have her over on Sunday morning. We did this for 2 reasons: We weren’t sure what Amy’s relationship situation was at the time and we want to ease Eve into poly, so perhaps having sex with Amy wasn’t the best idea. Also, on Saturday, Eve formally asked Ben to be her partner and we didn’t want to jeopardize that. Amy is involved with a guy in Beijing, but we found out on Sunday that it hasn’t solidified into a relationship yet. Eve also told us that she was fine with us having sex with Amy, so we didn’t feel bad when the threesome started happening. It was quite enjoyable for all of us. As I may have mentioned on this blog, Amy has never been with a woman before. On Sunday, I was pleasantly surprised to feel her fingering me and her telling me that she’s feeling more comfortable with me. She even said we should spend a weekend together. Who knows if that will actually happen, but the prospect is nice.

After Amy left, Ben told Eve about what happened and Eve felt upset. We discovered yesterday what the reason was: Ben had thought that Eve was upset because of the sex. In fact, she was upset because Ben had not communicated clearly what would happen. Eve told me that she’s not jealous about the sex because there is no romantic intention between Amy and Ben. I think that both Eve and Ben are feeling more strongly about the relationship now. Ben was so scared of losing her – I have to say, on my end, that’s very attractive. I reassured Eve that Ben is normally a very good communicator, but now he knows that he needs to be clearer in the future.

On Monday, I received a text message from Mily, telling me that she just wants to be friends, though good friends at that. I was upset for a bit, but I’m quite happy to have more friends and Mily’s leaving soon anyway. I don’t like getting into relationships that have an expiry date. However, that may be what I’m getting into now… As I mentioned on the last blog, I met someone else on the day I saw Mily and I could detect that there was mutual interest. He shall be known as Alex. I saw him and the friend who introduced us on Saturday and that was really nice. Ben was with us as well and he described Alex and I as kindred spirits. I invited Alex to have coffee with me on Tuesday and that went very well. It even ended with some oral sex. I do want to move cautiously because he’s 9 years younger than me and fairly inexperienced in relationships and sex. As I’ve written before, I have mixed feelings about being the teacher. That being said, he does pick things up quite quickly. He had said on our date that he’ll try to get me addicted to him. I told him that the best way to do that is regular contact. I am often the one who initiates contact, so I wanted to see if he would initiate contact with me. Up until 24 hours after the date, I hadn’t heard from him. Suddenly, the phone rang last night and it was him, asking me if I wanted to have lunch with him and our mutual friend today; I said yes. I was impressed that he learns so quickly. Perhaps this is the start of something promising… I don’t want to give a lot of personal details, but I will say that he isn’t Chinese. He wants to do a Master’s degree abroad and that could be in the US or Canada. We’ll see what the future will bring.

One issue that I am cognizant of is how public displays of affection are treated in China and the fact that most people here know that I’m with Ben. Most of our colleagues know about our poly relationship, but our students don’t. Alex and I walked around my university campus and I felt a bit self-conscious. I had to pick something up in my office and I saw one of my colleagues, who most likely doesn’t know about us being poly; I didn’t know how to introduce Alex to him. Alex and I also had dinner at a restaurant that Ben and I frequent and I could see the staff giving Alex and I looks. I don’t really want to care about all of this, but I’m nervous about what my students might think. This issue may also come up if Eve visits us. If any readers have advice on this issue, I’d love to hear it.

I recently received a question and I will answer it on this blog within a few days. If you have a question about relationships and non-monogamy, please email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca Thank you for reading!

The Freedom to Feel

Before getting to the heart of this blog, I want to say one thing. On this blog, I will be writing about Ben and Eve as well as my own feelings about them. I want to acknowledge the privilege I feel to write about a relationship that I’m not completely involved in. Of course, Ben is my fiance and Eve and I are friends, but they are the ones who are romantically involved here. On this blog, I mainly want to write about my own relationships as well as give advice and in this situation, it’s a bit different. I will do my best to represent the situation as accurately as I can.

Last night, Ben, Eve, and I had a call that ended up lasting for 1.5 hours. I continue to be in Taiwan and they are in Vietnam. We talked about many different things including the strong possibility that Eve will visit us in China within 2 months. I think all of us are looking forward to the visit, but we also feel nervous about it. Ben and I have a relationship and Eve and Ben are developing their relationship, but the dynamics between 3 are hard to predict. One of my concerns is that I will feel left out in my own house. Groups of 3 have often made me anxious because one person can often feel left out and I don’t want that person to be me. In Zhengzhou, our city in China, there aren’t many places for us to go and just hang out with other people. We are generally at the university teaching and doing other things, eating out in our neighbourhood, or at home. If I want to give Ben and Eve some alone time, that may be difficult to do. That being said, Eve will probably come for 5 days, which isn’t an inordinate length of time and I do think we’ll all get along. Eve said she’s happy to have me as a friend. She has already opened up to me a lot, which has really impressed me; it shows me that she speaks our language. She’s unsure of her feelings toward women at this point and I would never push anything with her, but if it were to develop, I don’t think either of us would be opposed to that.

This situation is new for all of us involved. After talking to the 2 of them last night, I think I was feeling some jealousy and envy as I watched them cuddle on the hotel bed. This situation is even more foreign to Eve who hasn’t been in that many relationships, let alone a non-monogamous relationship. Since Ben and I got together, neither one of us has had an additional serious relationship, so this is new for him too, though he acknowledged to me this morning that he has the easiest time emotionally in all of this; after all, he has 2 women who feel strongly about him. Ben and I also said this morning that we don’t want their relationship to impact ours. We would like to acknowledge that both relationships are unique and that we can all contribute to their success.

Feelings can run high in this sort of situation and as I said to Ben, there are many forces at play here that we are all unaware of. In many societies and depending on the family, we often do not talk about how we feel. I was raised by social workers and was often asked how I felt about things, so I’m an exception and I do feel lucky for that. I think that all 3 of us are fairly emotionally aware, but we all have baggage that affects how we feel at present. If one goal of polyamory is open communication, we can acknowledge how our past impacts our feelings right now. With our emotions invested in multiple people and depending on how much we choose to disclose, we may tell our partner(s) how we feel about other partners or express how metamours make us feel. I think that the expression of all these emotions makes us healthier people and better partners.

Thank you as always for reading! Ask me a relationship question anytime at miriam@askmiriam.ca I will be back in China on Monday and look forward to seeing Ben for the first time since January 20…

AskMiriam about Jealousy

Questions: How do you deal with the jealousy problem? If, for example, Amy had more interest in Ben and she wants to monopolize Ben’s time, how would you deal that?

Answer: Periodically, I get asked about jealousy and I don’t think it’s a topic I could write too much about. This particular question, however, involves 3 people: myself, Ben, and Amy, so it’s a bit more specialized. I am of the opinion that every relationship is unique. Amy cannot replace what Ben and I have and I cannot replace what Amy and Ben have. If Amy wanted to spend more time with Ben, I hope that she would tell me that. At the very least, Ben would tell me and we would talk about it. The same thing might happen if I met someone new and wanted to spend more time with them; I would tell Ben about it. Now, scheduling isn’t very romantic, but I think it’s nice when people decide in advance that they’ll spend certain nights together. Of course those nights could change, but perhaps they won’t. Most people require consistency in their lives and I often feel that I do as well, even though I also enjoy adventures.

This question also deals with the issue of insecurity. If Ben were to spend more time with Amy, would I feel insecure about myself or the relationship? The answer for me is, not really. I do consider myself lucky because I was raised with a healthy sense of self. A lot of women are taught to feel bad about themselves and have low self esteem as a result. No matter the gender, some people would also think they are being replaced by the new person. I think communication goes a long way toward remedying this. If we remind our partners how much they mean to us, that certainly helps. If we do something like have sex soon after our partner comes back from seeing their partner, that can sometimes help too. We can also develop feelings of compersion, meaning we are happy when our partner is with someone else. I personally still want to develop that more… These issues aren’t always easy and depending on our own personal situation, they can feel better or worse. It’s important to be kind to yourself and tell your partner what your needs are in this situation. As always, communicate, communicate, communicate. The person with the new partner should also be sensitive toward their existing partner(s)’ feelings.

As a note, I’m currently on holiday. Tomorrow I’m off to Japan and in mid February, I head to Taiwan. I hope to have some adventures while on the road. Stay tuned! If you have a question, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca Thank you as always for reading!

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