AskMiriam

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Archive for the tag “cycling”

A Poly Emergency

The most important thing you should know regarding this post is that I’m an avid cyclist. I use my bike as my main mode of transportation. 2 days ago, I was hit by a car for the first time. I’ve been regularly cycling for about 10 years, so you can imagine my shock when this happened. I escaped with a scraped arm and a small bump on my head (I was wearing a helmet, but it came off). I was very lucky to be helped by 2 women who took me to my doctor’s office, which happened to be across the street from where the accident happened. My doctor wrote a note, which I took to the emergency room. The 2 women stayed with me until my mother arrived. My mom happens to work close to the hospital I ended up going to. I wasn’t horribly injured, but my mom wanted me to stay with her that night. I explained to her that I recently started seeing someone and I wanted to stay at his house. Her first reaction was, but you’re marrying Ben. Her second reaction was, does Ben know about this? My father had the same reaction when I told him about Tony last weekend. I wasn’t shy to tell my father about the birthday threesome with Ben and Tony, but I didn’t share this information with my mother.

Communication and consent are the cornerstones of polyamory. When the word polyamory was first created by Morning Glory Zell in the 1980s, the given definition was: The practice, state or ability of having more than
one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full
knowledge and consent of all partners involved. I bolded the words knowledge and consent because they are very pertinent, especially in this case. Yes mom and dad, Ben and Tony know about each other. One would think that my mom would be happy that I have 2 men to take care of me, especially when one lives out of town. I realize that I deprived her of the opportunity to take care of me 2 nights ago, but one would hope that she’d be happy that I have Tony around; Ben certainly was. After I left the hospital, I walked myself and my bike home. I got a few things, talked to Ben, and then Tony picked me up.

In the car to his place, Tony and I talked about our relationship. We’ve known each other for less than a month, but we definitely get along well. However, the circumstances are somewhat strange because Ben and I might be leaving soon to go overseas. I realize that I often rush things. I want to put a label on the relationship, partly because I don’t like the beginning of relationships; there’s a lot of uncertainty around how things will develop. I asked Tony if he might want to attend one of my ultimate frisbee games. The week after next, Ben will be in town, so the 3 of us could go together. I told Tony that I would tell my teammates that these are my 2 boyfriends. Then we got into a conversation about the term ‘boyfriend’ – I think it’s a very juvenile label and prefer to use the term partner. He said, that’s a very serious label since we haven’t known each other that long. Of course, partner can be an ambiguous term. In this case, I think I need to let go of my need for labels and just let this relationship be. After all, this is no emergency…

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