AskMiriam

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Archive for the tag “discussion”

Things that Emanate from the Mouth

To be poly requires a lot of oral effort and I mean that in every way possible. I’d like to discuss both of those things this week. First of all, with regards to communication, lots of people say that the first rule of poly is communicate, communicate, communicate… and then communicate some more. One of the things we talk about from time to time, I say somewhat facetiously, is labels. Do labels mean anything and do they really matter? I recently met someone at a social who I found quite interesting. We went out a few times and then we ended up going to a BDSM workshop together. Both of us are pretty interested in BDSM, but haven’t done much. The workshop wasn’t the greatest- one of the people there kept staring at me, which made me pretty uncomfortable, and the instructor was not the nicest person. However, we did learn some interesting rope ties. After the workshop, I was supposed to meet with a friend and he cancelled. I turned to the person I met recently and said hey, I have the rest of the night free. We decided to go back to my place. On the way there, we talked about expectations. I told him that I’m looking for a primary partner and he can’t be that to me because he’s married. We’re both concerned because we both tend to get close to people quickly. I find that one of the most useful things about open and honest communication is that you learn a lot about people quickly and feel much closer to them. At any rate, I asked him if maybe we could be friends with benefits. I very much enjoy his company and both of us want to learn more about BDSM, so I think that label is quite fitting. Not to mention, the sex was excellent. He told me that he hasn’t had a friends with benefits before, but he’s willing to try. I am concerned because if both of us get close to people quickly, we could find ourselves becoming partners, which is what happened with my most recent partner. So, in the end, do the labels really matter? If we care about each other, like friends would, and put sex into the mix, is it inevitable that we would get even closer? Sex can be tricky. Just because you’re close physically, doesn’t mean you’re close intellectually or emotionally. However, in this case, I feel that all of those things could be true very quickly. Once again, I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter. 

So, other things that emanate from the mouth- I consider myself very lucky because the people in my life right now all love oral sex. I also love eating and the people I know also love eating. Is there some sort of connection? I find that many poly people are vegetarian, pescetarian, vegan or have some other specific diet. We tend to eat healthy. I consider myself flexitarian. There are times when I eat fish and I have accidentally eaten meat recently, which I don’t think is the end of the world but I prefer not to eat fish or meat because of the environmental impact. I’ve talked to a lot of people about the connection between poly and food. Someone I met on my trip back in February said that our culture has a perverse relationship with both food and sex. Other people say poly people are liberal and diet goes along with that. What are your thoughts? If you have any questions, send me an email to miriam@askmiriam.ca

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