AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Archive for the tag “mourning”

Good Grief

I write this post from Montreal, where my grandparents live. I had to come here unexpectedly on Tuesday because my stepgrandfather passed away. He had been married to my paternal grandmother for 19 years. We had the funeral yesterday and there were beautiful eulogies from my stepgrandfather’s granddaughter and son. Under the circumstances, it is very nice to see my extended family. So, what does this have to do with relationships and polyamory? When a relationship ends, we mourn it. We remember the good times and bad. We show appreciation to our partner(s) by saying nice things.

One thing I don’t like about death is that people might show the appreciation that they didn’t show while the person was alive or in their life. In the context of poly, showing appreciation is very important. Everyone brings something  unique to the table and that is worth celebrating. Also, when a relationship ends or transforms into something different, I think it’s very important to let the person know what they meant to you. I have been thinking a lot about that since on this trip. As I mentioned in the previous blog, I went to Denver for the Poly Living conference put on by the group Loving More where I facilitated a discussion on how people meet. I was fairly happy with how my talk went and the rest of the conference was interesting. I met some cool people, including one who lives in New York who I may see again.

I also got to see the people from the Denver 3some, which happened in February last year (see the post called Thoughtful, Ruminative, and Picky). I  visited them in May last year, during which time a partner in Toronto ended a relationship with me, which was very difficult to deal with. On this trip, I was thinking a lot about the person I was at that time since a lot has happened in the last 11 months. I mourn the person I was and I also celebrate the person I am; much more self-assured, stable, and with different expectations of what relationships mean to me. I love the act of remembering. Nostalgia will forever be one of my middle names…

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