AskMiriam

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Archive for the tag “partner”

AskMiriam about Gender Differences in Morning Sex

Question: Something came up the past few days and it has me thinking. I’ve always been a huge fan of morning sex; it leaves me feeling like I’ve gotten in my gym visit and my meditation. My energy levels are up all day. Some of my partners have complained of basically the opposite, they’re exhausted and sluggish if we have morning sex. Am I unique in this or is it a gender thing?

Answer: I think this question calls for feedback from many people of all genders, not just me, but I’ll give it a try. I will say for myself that I very much enjoy morning sex. I used to have a partner who would often visit me in the morning because we both had flexible work schedules. I felt pretty energetic for the rest of the day after that, but it was also exceptionally good sex. I also had a fairly physical life at the time that kept me energetic; I rode my bicycle everywhere, exercised, and I had some physical work. I am also a morning person, so I enjoy doing things in the morning and I do my most productive work in the morning normally.

I will say that I have had times where sex leaves me sluggish afterward. It’s possible that your female partners experience the same thing. I often feel something resembling a high right after sex and an hour or so later, I feel down. I’ve heard that potassium can help that, which I’ve been meaning to try.  Sex is always an individual thing and it’s possible that your partners are night owls and feel more energetic at night. I will also say that I am less likely to feel down after sex if I have an orgasm at the very end. I would talk to your partners about what makes them more energetic after sex. If they feel that there’s something that could be done to that end, they would be more likely to have morning sex.

Thanks for the question! As always, you can email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca if you have relationship or sex questions.

Partners and Parents

The past week has been very interesting for 2 reasons. Firstly, someone who was a ‘friends with benefits’ and then a ‘lover’ became a ‘partner.’ I’m not one for labels but he and I discussed the nature of our relationship and decided that ‘partner’ was a more accurate term. The interesting thing we both agreed on is that we love each other but we’re not in love. We are choosing to distinguish between romantic love and a more platonic love. He is a great and unique person and it’s almost as if we have too much in common for the relationship to work romantically. We both agreed that in the monogamous world, this would not work. Polyamory makes a lot of things possible and I’m grateful. He and I met on the day of New Year’s Eve and our relationship has developed since then. We both speak German and have gotten together to practice German every week. He also happens to be a great kisser and we enjoy sharing a bed together- what more could I ask for? He happens to complement my other partner very well and they get along. I feel very very lucky. But, one needs to ask, what exactly does the term partner mean? I’m a big fan of part of the definition from urbandictionary.com- ‘Partners’ generally subsist on ‘ethical’ or sustainable diets of Organic vegetables, Free-range meat and fair-trade coffee. Of course, that could be expanded to include vegetarians. Dictionary.com says a partner is a spouse or someone you live with in a common law relationship. I’m generally a fan of the term because it denotes equality. Partners are generally equal and they share responsibilities. It also means being there for each other when we need it. Do we need another word to describe this relationship? Does anyone else have an experience like this they’d like to share? If anyone has thoughts, send me an email at miriam@askmiriam.ca or you can post a comment here.  

The other interesting thing that happened is my first partner met my parents. This can be nerve wracking and even more so in the poly world where parents won’t necessarily understand the arrangement. I was pleasantly surprised that my parents were upbeat about poly and were not judgmental at all. They thought my partner was nice and we had a good dinner. All is well…

 

If you have any relationship questions, especially regarding polyamory, send me an email at miriam@askmiriam.ca  All questions will be published anonymously.

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