I am now back in Zhengzhou with Ben and we are very glad to be together after such a long absence. We realized that we could have planned our trips better and perhaps could have had more time together, but we were happy that we got to be independent for those 6 weeks. On the tail end of my trip, I got to spend 1 day in Hong Kong and had some delicious dim sum. I have had dim sum many a time in Toronto, my hometown, and really wanted to try it in its native place – it was indeed delicious. I also got to spend a bit of time with a charming French man who was travelling around the world and we had a few meals together and watched the Imitation Game, which I highly recommend. Now, Ben and I are adjusting to being back in this city that we don’t really like, but happy to be living together again.
The other night, Ben, Eve, and I all had an online call together. We talked about many things, including all of our futures. Eve is planning to visit us here in China, most likely next month. We are all excited about it, but also nervous because it is difficult to know where the relationship might go at this point. Eve is applying to do her Master’s in Austria while Ben and I are planning to live on the west coast of North America. We are returning to Canada in July and will be in BC for about 1 year, after which I may go to Seattle, Ann Arbor, or southern California for a PhD. Ben is not sure exactly what his future holds – when we return, he is planning to search for gold in BC and may or may not be successful. Thus, we may all end up being in different places.
One of the biggest challenges of polyamory is logistics. Whether you are living in the same place or having long distance relationships, everyone only has so much time to spend together. Money can also be an issue if you have to travel far distances to see different people. When Ben and I were living apart, we missed each other horribly. We were, thankfully, able to come to Asia and be together. Despite the challenges of being in this part of the world, we relish the time we spend together. Depending on Eve’s acceptance into the program in Austria and what sort of funding she’ll receive, she may go there or stay in Vietnam. Either way, all of us want to see what it’s like to be together.
One last thing I want to mention: while Eve, Ben and I were talking, Eve asked us what our definition of a relationship is. Despite writing about relationships, this is something I hardly ever think about. With regard to a romantic relationship, it can include so many different things: spending time together, sharing secrets and intimacy, sex or at times no sex, communication, and as Ben pointed out, some sort of commitment. I think most people enter into a relationship thinking that it could last forever. It’s easy to say that from the outset, but one has to put in the work to make sure it lasts. Dear readers, how do you define a relationship? Write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org