AskMiriam

Relationship Advice and Columns

Archive for the tag “travel”

A Woman’s Right to Choose

This week, I want to talk about a subject that’s very dear to my heart: a woman’s right to choose whether she wants children or not. Last week, I had a bit of a scare because I should have been on my period and I wasn’t. Now, this sort of thing is not without precedent: I spent 4 years in England and Japan from 2006-2010 and during that time, I missed a number of periods. In England, I went to the doctor to inform them of that fact and the female doctor told me not to worry; it’s typical when you’re adjusting to a new environment. In Japan, I didn’t have periods for the first 6 months of my time there. Yes, I was adjusting to a new environment and I was also eating a lot of soy, which apparently delays the menstrual cycle. I thought about those times last week, but I also thought to myself, I’ve already adjusted to China, for the most part; why is it that I would miss a period now and not in the beginning of our stay here? Alex very kindly went with me to get a pregnancy test at a local drugstore. We returned to my apartment to find Ben here (I was expecting him to be out), and it was really nice to have both guys here while I did the test. Thankfully, it returned negative and we all celebrated with chocolate, hugs, and kisses.

The day after, I went downtown to visit Mily, which was very pleasant. She made a delicious egg cheese vegetable casserole and we had good conversations. At one point, I did make her cry though, as she talked about her past relationships and I told her that I think she’s scared to get hurt again. At that point, we were sitting outside, me eating ice cream and her drinking coffee. I told her that I’m still attracted to her and she playfully said, why don’t you move closer? She kissed me on the cheek and I returned the favour. I felt a bit self-conscious, but there was a part of me that wanted to kiss her on the lips again. After that, I got on the bus to go back home and there happened to be a family from Ecuador there. One of them actually asked me if I was pregnant and offered me her seat, saying I looked so tired. I said, well, that’s a funny story… Unfortunately, that night I dreamed that I needed an abortion and I was still in China. One doctor, who was white, accompanied me to a drugstore and showed me various implements I could use to perform the abortion myself. I panicked and asked him if he could help me; he said yes. Obviously, my mind is telling me I don’t want an abortion in China.

Nearly 3 years has passed since I myself had an abortion. At that time, I was with my ex-boyfriend and we were about to break up. I had debated for a long time whether I wanted children or not and I came to the conclusion that I didn’t, for various reasons. As an environmentalist, I think there are too many people in the world and we should be reducing the population, not increasing it. People tell me that my kids will be smart and environmentalists too, but there’s no guarantee of that. Plus, if we live in the first world, our environmental impact will necessarily be much higher. Secondly, as many of you know, I like travelling and I really enjoy my freedom. I don’t want the responsibility of caring for someone if I truly want to get up and go somewhere, especially for an extended period. Finally, I don’t really want to change my body. For the brief period I knew I was pregnant, I felt horrible. I know that the second trimester gets easier, but I don’t even want to wait the 3 months for that to happen.

At that time, I was very impressed with my ex because he did want kids and he encouraged me to get the abortion. Everyone supported me, though my mother apologized and said, I’m happy that you’re pregnant. She and my father did accompany me to the hospital and I was rid of the fetus. People ask me if it was a difficult decision; in fact, it was one of the easiest I have ever made. I had gone to the doctor several weeks before for another reason and I told them how I felt (reduced appetite and exhaustion). They told me to get a pregnancy test, which I did in the lab in that building. The next day, they told me I was indeed pregnant so I felt vindicated that something was indeed wrong. I was about to go to Europe for 1 month and I told them I needed to get an abortion quickly, which did happen. Just after I returned, my ex and I broke up, so I’m even more glad that I made that particular decision because the child would not have been well cared for. I am happy now that my ex is about to marry someone who does want children. In the future, Ben may have children with someone and my hope is that we would all live together and raise the children. I’m happy to be a part time mother because I think the relationship between parent and child is incredibly special; I still depend on my mother to this day and I’m very grateful to her. Finally, I’m glad that I had the right to choose not to have that child. Every woman should have the same right, whether they want children or not. We are continually fighting for women to have the same rights and opportunities as men and our right to choose what to do with our bodies is inherently part of that.

Thank you as always for reading. If you have any sort of relationship question, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca

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On the Rarity of Connection

I write this blog post from Taipei, the capital of Taiwan. I just arrived here 2 days ago and I’ll be travelling around Taiwan for 2.5 weeks. Ben and I are continuing to travel separately; he’ll depart for Vietnam from the Phillipines later today. We continue to miss each other a lot, but are happy for this chance to travel independently.

One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how rare it is to have a connection with someone. Over the years, I’ve often felt more strongly about people than they have about me and people are often aware of this because I’m very bad at hiding my feelings. I’ve also had the experience of being on the receiving end of strong feelings when I don’t feel very strongly about the other person. I feel lucky right now because Ben and I both feel very strongly about being together for the rest of our lives. However, it’s difficult to find other people, especially when travelling, who I feel so close to. Travelling makes me realize how finite everything is. This both excites and depresses me because I know that whoever I meet, I probably will never see them again. It makes me realize how precious and temporary everything is.

As polyamorous people, we seek out connections. We want to meet others, develop some sort of relationship, and grow from it. What do we do when we realize that connection is so rare? I used to feel like I could get along with almost anybody, but I realize that isn’t always possible. I may rub some people the wrong way and some people rub me the wrong way. There are times when I just want to meet someone and see where the relationship goes. There are also times when I want to be more specific about what I want. I think we can strike a balance between those 2 because I often just want to have company, especially when travelling alone. Over the long term, however, being more specific about what I want is more important.

Happy Commercial Love Day everyone! I’m not always the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day, but as someone who loves love, I feel the need to mention it. If you have any questions about relationships, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca I hope everyone can find meaningful connections, wherever they may be.

disAPPOINTMENT

Last weekend, I had a pretty annoying experience. For about a month, I had been in contact with an Italian guy who was going to spend 2 weeks in Beijing, which is only a few hours away by train from where I live. He told me he was going to arrive on January 3 and leave on January 17. He’s been in non-monogamous relationships before and he looked like an interesting guy, so I was definitely up for meeting him. The reason why he was coming to Beijing was to work on making the Hilton Hotel more environmentally friendly, which I really respected. I told him that I wouldn’t be able to come to Beijing because he’d be here during a very busy period where I had a lot of marking to do. He said he was happy to come to Zhengzhou, the city I live in. I told him that this past weekend would work out fine.

Fast forward to him arriving in China. We added each other on skype and I wanted to talk to him before he’d come to Zhengzhou. One night, I told him I could talk to him at a certain time and he didn’t come on. The next evening, I told him I was free and that I could be online, but he still didn’t come online. 2 days later, it was already Wednesday and I assumed he would be coming on Saturday. I asked him if he was still planning to come and he said yes. I informed him that I was only really free on Saturday night because I had to do marking on Saturday afternoon and we had a guest coming over on Sunday afternoon. I didn’t hear from him again until Saturday… at about 8pm, telling me that he’d be in Zhengzhou in 2 hours, despite the fact that I had sent him messages at 10am and 1pm telling him that I wanted to talk to him before he left for Zhengzhou. On Friday, Ben wasn’t feeling great, so I had to cover for one of his classes. At that point, I assumed that the Italian guy wasn’t coming. I have to say, I was quite horny at that time and was excited to have sex with someone else; Ben was excited for me too. I suppose I should have known that the Italian guy would stay at the Hilton Hotel, which isn’t that close to our place. Given his work, he probably got a discount. He didn’t arrive at the hotel until 10:30pm and that hotel is 20 kilometres away from our house; not a trivial distance to travel, especially given that we had company coming over the next day. In the end, I did not meet the Italian guy.

I have heard many people say that scheduling is one of the most difficult parts of being polyamorous. When you have several relationships, you need to make time for everyone. Plus, we have other things going on in our lives like work, alone time, and fun time. Given that the Italian guy was coming a fairly far distance to see me, I would think he would want to confirm beforehand that I would be able to see him at a certain hour. To me, this signifies a lack of respect for a person’s life. For me, but perhaps not for him, I actually wanted to get to know him a little bit. I was hoping we’d have dinner and have a real conversation. As a fellow blogger reminds us, it’s not (just) about the sex…

Finding Community

I’ve thinking a lot lately about how to create community. This is a conflict I often face as a poly person and as someone who wants to travel. Ben and I are now in Zhengzhou, China. We are quite happily working as English teachers at a university. We have a contract until June 30 of next year and we don’t think we’ll stay longer than that. We do like our jobs here, but the city is quite polluted and we’re living in the boonies. When I did my Master’s, I attended York University in Toronto, which is in the suburbs – I would compare our university to that. Over the weekend, I took public transit from downtown to where we’re living and it took nearly 2 hours. You, dear reader, can imagine that this isn’t exactly the spot we want to live in. However, what would happen if we formed relationships with people here? Those might be friendships as well as romantic relationships. Would we be more inclined to stay if we connected strongly with people here? That hasn’t happened so far and it can take a long time, but I do hope we form strong relationships here.

I have another friend who likes to travel and he has lovers in different places. There are many di1fferent types of polyamory such as ‘solopoly’ and I gave him the title of ‘travelpoly.’ Many of us have a strong urge to explore the world, especially being the open minded poly people we are. On the other hand, if we want to form multiple romantic relationships, it would do us well to settle down every once in a while, though not in the traditional sense of course. Ben and I were talking the other night about what we want our future lives to look like. We both want to live in a place where we can be part of the community; we may want to do something like grow fruits and vegetables. It can be very difficult to do both of those things in an urban area. In some cities, you can grow your own food, depending on how much space you have. However, the city  is almost always an anonymous place where you can get lost in the crowds. In that regard, it’s easier to be polyamorous and it’s easier to find likeminded people in the city because there is more of a selection. In certain countries, which are mainly in the West, being polyamorous is becoming more and more acceptable. Here in Asia, meeting such people is quite difficult. Given all these things, where can we find a community? You can also create your own community with all of the partners, friends, and family you have, but first you need to meet them. Living situations can be tailored to meet the needs of different groups of people. However, could this type of community exist anywhere in the world? Polyamorous people are still in the minority in every country. Our practices may not be acceptable to those living around us, but we don’t want to live in isolation. All of these issues are worth considering.

On a personal note, travelling has been a very important part of my life. When I was a teenager, I wanted to live in Europe. I’ve been very fortunate to live in England, Japan, and briefly in Germany. As a Master’s student, I studied the German anti-nuclear movement and specifically, why people protest. I got to travel around Germany in 2011 and interview Greenpeace volunteers. That was 1 year before I became poly. While in Germany, I got the chance to go to a conference in Istanbul and I met someone who was in an open relationship; I developed feelings for him. Thus, if I had never travelled, I wouldn’t have had the exposure to different relationship arrangements. I feel like travelling is a way to pay homage to the life I have now. I also find that staying in one place makes me feel stagnant; I always have the urge to explore. On the other hand, I still want to find community.

If you have any questions about relationships, please email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca  Thank you as always for reading, from wherever you happen to be!

 

 

Absence Makes the Heart Grow

As many of you know, Ben and I are currently in Vietnam. For the past 2 weekends, we have opted to take separate vacations. Some people express surprise that we do this and some tell us that we have a healthier approach to our relationship than others do. Since we have left for Asia, we haven’t had much in the way of alone time. Especially here in Vietnam, we are together nearly all the time. We live in the same room and we even teach together. This causes a certain amount of friction at times, both in a good way and in a bad way. We are both independent people and have different interests, so separate vacations make sense. On the 6th, I went to an island called Cat Ba because I wanted to relax on the beach. I also met some people and flirted; that felt good. Of course, I happened to flirt with a French guy who was in a monogamous relationship, but hey, you never know until you try. In much of Asia, I think poly is a non-starter – flirting with expats and tourists seems like the way to go. Even if it doesn’t result in anything, I still enjoy it. Ben also got to flirt in a very small town that he accidentally found himself in. He was meaning to go to a town with a gem market to find a stone for my engagement ring and ended up in a town with a very similar name. At the very least, it makes for an interesting story. This weekend, I went to a beautiful area called Ninh Binh with lots of limestone cliffs and temples and Ben did make it to the gem market.

Until we left for Asia, Ben and I had a long distance relationship. The times that we were together felt special and were concentrated with good discussion and plenty of sex. We’ve come to a point now where things have become more domestic and dare I say, a bit boring. Because it’s been so hot, it’s hard to go out all the time and we find ourselves getting into arguments because we’re in each other’s faces constantly. Though we are fairly similar people, we have gotten into discussions about our differences and that can be hard.

At this point, time apart actually feels precious. We get the chance to miss each other. We come back home and can tell each other stories about the weekend or we can phone each other when we’re away and say, here’s a cool thing I did. When you’re in a serious relationship, I think it’s important to maintain your identity as a separate person. Some amount of interdependence is good, but if you’re with each other all the time, things can get difficult and you won’t realize how good you have it. Thankfully, after Ben and I had an argument about our different approaches to our lack of alone time, we taught our students about love. Our students shared stories about people they had been involved with, which were so nice to hear. I also got to hear Ben talk about why he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. I have to say, I feel like a very lucky woman.

If you have any questions, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca

Love in Translation

Ben and I are in Seoul right now. We decided to come here for various reasons. As many of you know, we had to flee Changwon, the city we were formerly living in. First, we decided to go south because Ben corresponded with someone on OkCupid living in Geoje City, which is just 2.5 hours south of Changwon. We spent the weekend there and got to go to the beach and the forest. Unfortunately, we were spending time with people who drank the entire night and that isn’t really our style, but otherwise, we had a good time.

We thought to come to Seoul because it seemed that we would get jobs in China and Seoul is much closer in that regard. We did indeed get hired by a university in China and are looking forward to that. We were also in contact with people on OkCupid from Seoul, including one who I will call Bryan. He is Korean and speaks English very well. Ben and I had to figure out where in Seoul to stay and Bryan said he could talk to his friend who knows about booking places in Seoul. We met Bryan 2 days ago and had a pleasant time. First we all ate lunch together. He was very helpful when we went to an Internet cafe to print off our Chinese contracts. Then he helped us move all of our luggage to a new hostel and took us out to dinner.

After dinner, Ben decided to go back to the hostel and I took a walk with Bryan. I should mention that during the afternoon, Bryan had told me he was interested in me and was affectionate. I was attracted to him too. We took a walk through Hongik University, close to the hostel Ben and I are staying at. While walking, Bryan asked me if I wanted to join him at a motel and I said yes. He asked me if I had any expectation in terms of sexuality and I asked him to clarify what he meant. He said, I feel like we have a connection, wouldn’t you agree? I said I felt like we had a bit of a connection and he felt turned off by that. I told him we didn’t know each other that well and I didn’t want to rush into anything.

Once we got to the motel, Bryan took a shower and I relaxed on the bed. Once sexy stuff started happening, it was fun and Bryan took his time, which was nice. After some time passed, he said to me, can I say something spooky to you? I said sure. He said, I love you. I asked him why exactly he loved me. He said, getting to have sex with someone like you is awesome. Now, dear readers, we can always separate love and sex. Bryan had given me the impression that he hadn’t had sex for a long time so I’m sure he enjoyed the intimacy. I do believe that one can fall in love quickly, but I think this was more of a case of lust… I’m not sure if we will meet again, but at the very least, we now have good stories to tell.

Ben and I will be in Seoul until next Tuesday. Who knows what adventures there will be until then… We have been invited to the country house of Ben’s interpreter at the immigration office in Changwon- she happens to be from Seoul and we met her on Monday. I feel very grateful for all the people who have helped us along the way on this trip! After staying at the country house, we plan to go to Hong Kong and stay on organic farms until we start working in China in October.

If you have any questions, send me an email to miriam@askmiriam.ca

Why (and How) We Fight

Ben and I had a very interesting experience a few days ago. I should say it started out in a very challenging way. As many of you know, Ben and I are moving to South Korea. My dad is letting me store things at his place while we are gone. This past week, we brought some things over to his building and agreed to meet at a certain place. Ben and I waited for my dad and he didn’t appear. I suggested to Ben that he check upstairs. We were in the second basement level and he went up to the first. I thought I heard he and my dad talking, but I guess my mind was playing tricks with me. A few moments later, my father appeared and was upset because he had been waiting for awhile in a slightly different location. I had apparently misunderstood where to meet him. I was nervous because Ben didn’t appear and my dad and I trudged off to his storage locker to put away my things. We put my things away and found Ben. My dad was still upset at the end and we left feeling irritated.

After that episode, we were on our way to Tony’s house, who had agreed to host us for a threesome and sleepover. Things were still tense with Ben and I in the car and we had to travel a good distance to get to Tony’s house. Ben was irritable and I told him not to get upset at me because I was also feeling sensitive after the episode with my dad. We found Tony’s street and then when I thought I was done navigating, I called Tony to let him know we were close and that we needed a place to park Ben’s car. In that brief phone conversation, Ben got lost, as Tony’s street curves a lot. We were able to find Tony’s house finally and parked the car. I went inside first and Ben followed, visibly despondent. I asked him if he was okay and he said that he felt I shut him down when I told him not to get upset at me. He admitted to me later that he expects navigators to know exactly where they’re going and in this situation, that was not the case. I explained to Ben that I had only been to Tony’s house once and had come from a different direction. Tony actually mediated us through this discussion. We successfully came to a resolution with Tony’s help, which was very heartening. This is another upside of poly- when multiple partners are around, they can really help. As a side note, since you’re probably all wondering, the threesome and sleepover were lovely and when we left Tony’s house, we felt good.

I have written previously that Ben and I have had some conflict. This has really been a growth experience for me because I hate conflict, but I want to be able to get through it in a mature way. In the past, I have always done what the other person wanted and ended up resenting them. I have expressed to Ben that he often takes things very personally and overanalyzes things. I also realize that I can take things personally. When you are in a committed relationship with someone, it’s very difficult not to take things personally because the emotional investment is often very high. After resolving our discussion, I realize that when Ben takes things personally, that doesn’t mean that I have to. Ben also said to me the day before we saw Tony that he can communicate things in a way that shows I’m not to blame. Thus, I think this is a case of meeting in the middle, and in a healthy way.

If you have any questions, send me an email to miriam@askmiriam.ca Ben and I take off for Korea on Friday July 25! We are very excited and nervous for this journey…

All in the Family

The past week has seen Ben and I attending to things going on in my family. I found out about 2 weeks ago that my paternal stepgrandfather will most likely pass away within a few months due to lymphoma that has spread to his lungs. All of my grandparents live in Montreal, where my parents grew up, so we decided to make a trip. We also passed through Ben’s hometown near Ottawa and visited some people he knows. Last week we arrived in Montreal at the home of my maternal grandparents where we were going to stay. As a note, Ben was meeting everyone for the first time. Everyone liked him, which pleased me. My maternal grandparents are mostly in good health; I have always admired them because they look much younger than their early 80s lets on. They go to the gym, they continue to travel, and they make amazing food like their own bread and jam.

My mother knows about my poly life but has told me not to tell her parents. They are much more traditional than my mother and I don’t think they would understand it. However, I still feel like I have to hide a part of myself. Last year, I visited Montreal with someone I was dating at the time, but we just pretended to be friends, since we were not in a primary relationship. Of course, since Ben and I are in a primary relationship, we can be affectionate toward each other, but I would still like to tell my grandparents that we date other people and it’s okay. However, I feel okay about not telling them because I only see them a few times a year and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers.

On my father’s side, it’s a somewhat different story. My grandfather died many years ago and then almost 20 years ago, my grandmother remarried. My stepgrandfather is a very lovely man and we consider him part of our family. My father is gay and is accepted. My stepgrandfather also has a gay granddaughter and he is very accepting of her. When I visited them last year, they also met the person I was dating at the time. 2 days after they met, I was visiting my grandmother alone. I told her about the poly arrangement and she didn’t quite understand it, but didn’t object. On this visit, Ben and I visited her; my aunt from Victoria was visiting as well. We drove them to the hospital to see my stepgrandfather. My grandmother is of course very anxious and nervous because they are very close.  The gay granddaughter was there as well and informed me she has been reading this blog, so I’m glad at least someone in the family knows. I would love to tell my grandmother about the fact that Ben and I also date other people, but I’m not sure if it’s wise at this point. She is dealing with a lot.

After Ben and I returned to Toronto, we attended the Passover seder at my mom’s house. I am not a religious Jew, but there are things I like doing like Passover, Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) and Hanukah. It’s important for me to be connected to my family in that way because it does allow us to come together, talk, and eat good food. The seder was a bit baffling to Ben. Since I am atheist, my singing of songs that glorify god was understandably confusing. However, I do feel that it’s important to preserve some elements of Jewish culture. It’s a part of my past that I’m not willing to let go of. I do understand that for some people without a religious tradition, religion can seem a bit oppressive. Ben looked uncomfortable while we were reading blessings before the meal however, he relaxed once I explained some things to him and we had a very nice meal and discussion with my family. The day after the seder, my dad reminded me that Passover is very much a metaphor. Jews have had to survive a lot and we use Passover to remember that we can overcome oppression.

It can be very difficult to “come out” to one’s family, whether you are poly, gay, or otherwise. I feel lucky because my parents are progressive and I tell them almost everything anyway, so I didn’t want to hide it from them; they have known almost since the beginning of my being poly. At the moment, Ben and I are not dating anyone else, so I feel it is somewhat irrelevant to tell my grandparents about it. However, what if either of us had another serious relationship? It’s a bit of a conundrum. If I went with someone else to Montreal, what would I tell them? I like having everything out in the open, but I like maintaining peace in my family as well.

If you have any questions, send me an email to miriam@askmiriam.ca  Thanks as always for reading and commenting!

Away from it All

It is often my belief that if 2 people can survive a trip together, they can probably survive a whole lot else together. Ben and I just got back to southern Ontario from a trip to his hometown, near Ottawa. We were both really in need of a vacation and he happened to have a break, so we headed off. We got into some very interesting conversations both on the road and when we arrived and happily, we both expressed the fact that we feel very comfortable talking to each other, not that we didn’t know that before, but it was even more obvious this time. I have had many relationships with teachers and I realize that I like getting into relationships with people I perceive to be smarter than me because I can just defer to their opinion. Ben and I actually challenge each other to think about why we hold certain opinions. On our way back to Toronto, we actually talked about irritability and if it’s a useful thing. In certain situations, it can be. For myself, it takes a lot to irritate me and very few things do. When something bothers me, I know that it’s really bothersome and that is useful, but as I said to Ben, I think it’s useless to get irritated over things you can’t control. Anyway, we had a really good time. Ben introduced me to many of the people he knows in his hometown and we went to a restaurant he used to work at; the food was delicious. We also went to Ottawa and saw some of our friends there. There was a lot of much needed lounging around as well. We got into a lot of conversations about polyamory as well, which we both enjoyed.

As many of you know, Ben is my first real primary partner since I have become polyamorous. Also, at the moment, I’m not really dating anyone else. Ben has now had 3 dates with someone where he is living (we live 2 hours away from each other). During the trip, we had a skype date with her. She is a very nice person and I can see why Ben likes her. She is really into rocks, a big passion of Ben’s. She has never been in a polyamorous relationship before, but it seems like she isn’t looking for anything serious at the moment and she likes her space, so this situation suits her. She also asked Ben if it was okay if she dated other people and he responded with, of course. I told Ben that I am simultaneously happy for him and somewhat envious and jealous. I would love to be dating someone in Toronto, though right now, I feel like I am done with men, especially with a certain visitor coming to see me (itsnotaboutthesex.wordpress.com); I really want to be dating a woman. Ben and I definitely feel like we will be together for the long haul and we have gotten to a point now where we aren’t scared of losing each other. I do remind myself though that this is still a new situation for me and there’s no sense in negating how I feel. This is in some ways, away from it all…

Travelling and Relationships

Travelling is something I’m quite fond of. I’ve lived in England, Japan and briefly in Germany. While living in those places, I visited many more. I like immersing myself in a new place and figuring out how it works. I love travelling alone and with others. When you travel as part of a couple, it can be both fun and problematic. If you travel with someone for an extended period, there’s a chance of getting sick of each other or fighting; on the other hand, it’s really nice to share experiences together. I recently started going out with someone on OkCupid and it’s been going well. He had last week off of work and I only work part time so we decided to go to Niagara on the Lake and see a play at the Shaw Festival. Funnily enough, we saw a play called Enchanted April, which is about 4 English women who rent a castle in northern Italy together; there were many travel themes. 2 of the English women were married and decided they wanted a break from their husbands. I sympathize with that feeling; until last year, I was with someone for 8.5 years. I spent the summer of 2011 in Germany doing fieldwork for my Master’s and I really enjoyed the break from my ex-boyfriend. I also spent the month of May last year in Europe again, which gave me a chance to reflect on our relationship. It helped me come to the conclusion that we weren’t right for each other. One thing I love about travelling is that different places give you a chance to be in a different head space. I find that I think differently in a new place and of course, there are lots of new experiences to be had. It was while travelling to Istanbul in 2011 that I met the person who really helped me become poly, for example. 

 After we saw Enchanted April, we were talking about marriage, which we both have mixed feelings about. Perhaps I’m a bit old fashioned but part of me thinks I could be with 1 or more people for the rest of my life. I like the ebbs and flows of relationships and I like living with people I love. When we left Niagara on the Lake the next day, I told him I was grateful we were able to go on a trip without killing each other. In fact, we got along quite well. We’re both feeling very comfortable with each other. Some people might think we’re crazy for travelling after having gone out for 2 weeks but we both enjoyed it. My only regret is that every time I return from travelling, I feel a bit blue that the vacation wasn’t longer.

If you have any questions, email me at miriam@askmiriam.ca  All questions are anonymous. 

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